32 weeks, I can make it...

I think, I hope, I pray. Right now it seems VERY far off, however, considering yesterday the peri thinks I will be lucky to make it that far. I am starting to agree and hoping the steroids and the mag have done what they need to and can do. I also hope that since my body has such a big lead in time (my water broke 10 days ago) that it has done what it can to get Bella ready for birth.

My blood sugars are all over the place now, without the steroids influence, so I am monitoring blood sugars even more carefully and using insulin on an almost regular basis. I haven't seen the Endo yet today, but I am guessing he's going to put me on something for my fasting numbers in addition to the 4 units he has me taking with supper.

There isn't much else going on. I am still dealing with some of the side effects from the mag. I *hate* that stuff and it sounds like anytime I go into labor I get a big mag push again, even if it's close like yesterday's was. (They really need to further the research on how far out the mag works for preventing cerebral palsy and brain bleeds because that stuff is horrible.)

Anyhow... 10 days down... 11 to go. I am almost half way to my goal I am nowhere near the goal the peri has for me though lol. One day at a time!

I hope it's another sunny day, I missed the last one

After spending almost all of yesterday in labor and delivery, feeling icky on magnesium sulfate, I really hope I can enjoy today.

I had 2 room moves last night, it was crazy. In addition, I got the last antepartum room when I got back to 5th floor from 6th! The maternity area is SO busy the past few days, they had to open up an older part of this floor for overflow postpartum moms and babies.

I am very happy that we didn't meet Bella quite yet. I really would like to make it to at least 32 weeks. There is such a huge difference between 30 and 32, today puts me at 30 weeks and 3 days. so if I can hang on for 11 more days I'll be happy. Ish, even putting it into days it still feels like a daunting task. I can do it though, at least, I can do my best to do it. Ultimately I know I really have no say in the matter. (Okay, confession time... after seeing #Maythe4thbewithyou trending on twitter, I really didn't want to have her on May 4th...)

Long sleeve onesies, a 4 pack of mittens and the sweetest little outfit. 

Oh oh oh! Grandma came to visit last night and she brought goodies that she and big sister Cheyenne picked out! Sooooooo cute! I took pics of course. :D And the one little outfit, you'll see, has a little monkey on the butt. I about died! I'll tell you which one. I might actually have to take pics of the front and back of that one...

3 little sleepers. The monkey one says "kisses from mommy"

Lots of little hats, some little pants to go with onsies and the monkey butt outfit!

The softest blankie ever and the first pack of receiving blankets. 

It's rare that the Doc freaks out and the mom is calm...

But it happened today. I was doing my own thing, cleaning up my room, just being a little more active than usual. Yes, I am on bedrest, but they allow for some things like going outside, showering and chilling in the common area for a bit.

Well I think cleaning my room today might have been a bit ambitious (they need to make a way for bedresting mommies to cope with the need to nest!) and caused me to have some minor contractions. Not enough to worry me, they weren't strong, but since they were regular they freaked the Peri on-call out. She had me moved up to L&D, put on magnesium sulfate again (this time for Bella's brain.) and has me now on non stop monitoring. Oh, she also told me no more eating and drinking. UHG! lol

So, here I am, 5 hours later. The contractions long gone, but I lost my antepartum room, I feel like poop and I am down right crabby after hearing other babies being born. I want to meet Bella, just not yet, and hearing others meeting their babies doesn't make my bedrest any easier.

I was finally settling into my room and accepting the fact that I am in the hospital for the long run and now this.  Well, I guess I can't say it hasn't been interesting! lol

Watching the Sunrise

I woke up this morning feeling even better than I did yesterday. Looking down... pregnant still? Yep. Looking outside seeing the blues, pinks and purples of the sky, looking forward to another sunny day. ::sigh:: Then I remember it's another sunny day... in the hospital.

Bella updates, not a whole lot. She's still hanging out in there, growing and hopefully getting ready for the world. She's been a tough cookie so far and both of her strips looked great yesterday. Her kicks are starting to get increasingly painful, which is great. The more they hurt, the stronger she is. (That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.) Last week my goal was to make it to 30 weeks. I managed that. My new goal is to make it to 32 weeks. I refuse to make goals any further out than that and I find reassurance in each hour, each day that passes with her still growing.

I do my morning things, quickly pop open my laptop and there is a message from mom. Emma had her first soccer practice ever last night and she did great. Talk about bitter sweet. I should have been there. I am fortunate that Grandma had the picture taking mindset or I'd have missed it completely. It looks like Emma enjoyed it, but I really don't know if she did or not. I haven't even gotten to talk to her yet after her practice. (Okay, falling into the poor me pit... climbing back out of that right now.) So, bitter sweet. I am THRILLED that Emma *finally* chose something to be a part of, we've been encouraging her for years.

Best number ever! <3 7 <3

So, as far as I know that is it for updates today. Less and less seems to be happening the longer I am here in the hospital. Exciting stuff I tell you! lol I do plan to request a growth scan for little miss Bella. I want to know how she's coming along and I don't think that is unreasonable. I know it can be off, but a general idea that she's thriving despite lack of fluid... I feel is reasonable.

Talking and dribbling. Ain't no thang.

Practice is tiring, need... a... drink! 

It's sunny outside!!!

Oh I can't wait for breakfast to get here and for Steve to wake up. I want to go outside and feel the sun on my skin. I am so excited about it, that I have to wonder if my recent bout with depression was really nothing more than SAD (seasonal affective disorder), it seems to make sense. We'll see.

I am officially off of all hospital given meds now. No antibiotics, no tocolytics (stop labor) and no steroids (to help Bella's lungs mature). It seems that watching me like a hawk is beginning to be the key. If there are any signs of change in anything I need to let them know right away. I am guessing this is to help prevent/detect infection, which is the biggest risk to both Bella and I from this point on. At least as far as pregnancy is concerned.

This has got to be the hardest waiting game I've EVER played. I have no idea what will happen, when it will happen or how it will happen. I know some basic stats, I had an 80% chance of having her within the first week post water breaking. Each week thereafter gives me a 50% chance of delivery.

Also, thank God for ChapStick... it's dry in here.

Well used and loved. <3 my ChapStick.

As of 8:45 p.m.

It's been one full week since my water broke. I went immediately to Mercy, explained the situation with Bella's heart and that my water was broken. I was swarmed by nurses, an ambulance was called and I was transferred down here, to Abbott, sirens, speeding and all.

The week itself seemed to drag on as it went, I swear hospitals are like some weird time sucking machines, but looking back, it seems as if it flew by. I wish the same could be said for the time as it passed lol!

I can't wait to meet my little Bella baby, it feels as if she and I have been through a lifetime worth of journey already. Like I know her and I miss her and I am anxiously awaiting her coming to finally meet me.

As she was last week, she is once again laying in a transverse position rather than head down. However, I sincerely hope she flips head down. Natural birth is going to be the best option for both of us vs. a c-section as far as health and healing is concerned.

30 weeks!

We've made it to the official 30 week mark and today also marks 1 full week since my water broke! According to the statistics I was given, each additional day Bella is kept in my tummy is 3 days less that she would have to spend in the NICU. So... 7 days pregnant beyond water breaking, times 3 days per day... that's 21 days less that Bella would have to spend in the NICU now, versus had she been born last week. 

Heck, we've made it 8 weeks past the start of preterm labor which had started at 22 weeks! While I know that ultimately I have little to no control whether she is born early or not, I feel good that I am doing the right things to try to ensure this little one the best start I can give her.

If I ever hear anyone say this stuff is easy... I think I'm going to have to be restrained though lol! I have to say that what I've been through with this pregnancy, by FAR trumps anything I've dealt with in previous pregnancies. And time in bed and in the hospital... omg... 8 weeks, with the possibility of not 4... but 6 more weeks here. I found out just yesterday that if I don't deliver before 36 weeks, they wont induce me until then, rather than the typical 34 weeks that they'd induce at with a typical baby and broken water situation.

One day at a time, each day bringing us a healthier Bella baby.

4 days!

4 days post water break and I am still pregnant! I also got a decent night of sleep, so my spirits are up. (Sorry about last night's whine fest)

I met Dr. Nye this morning who is "SO excited to see me STILL pregnant!" lol she cracked me up. She was seriously great, I'm surprised this is the first time I get to meet her. Also I was able to go all night without too much leaking, hopefully Bella will be happily surrounded by fluid once again.

I still cannot fathom being here for weeks, but I think it's okay to just take it a day at a time for now. That's about all I can handle. Bedrest sucks hospital bedrest sucks more. Also, trying to feed my helper is hard... do I go without some of my meal or how do I feed him?

One final word... bored! lol

I'll update more later. :)

Just some pics

Here are a few random photos from my "suite" on the antenatal floor.

Stephen brought me the TV and Xbox to make it a bit more like home.

Hospital beds... bleh. But, touches of home again. They help some.

Guest accommodation, Steve's a messy sleeper.

That's all I have for now, but I am bored out of my mind and homesick, I am sure I'll have more. Whether or not you care to see them is another story, but this is where I will bring my Isabella into the world. Not the room, but the hospital. I believe the saying is that each day I carry her closer to her due date, means two less in NICU. Granted, that is for normal babies, but I'd like to think it applies to this little sweety at least a little. <3

I want to sleep so badly. :(

I just can't seem do it. Well, I can, but not for longer than an hour at a time, 3 max if I really roll over and try to stay asleep. It's wearing on me badly. They of course offer me meds to help me sleep, but it all leaves me feeling drugged and hung over the next day, which I can't stand.

I thought for sure getting the IVs out, no more steroids, no more mag and I'd be sleeping like a baby. Apparently not so. I don't seem to be uncomfortable in any specific way, aside from maybe wishing I had a humidifier, my nose is NOT loving the dry hospital air.

I took a nice hot shower last night as soon as my IVs came off, granted I had to glove the one arm with the saline lock in it, but that isn't a big deal either way and I didn't have to sleep with it gloved. I don't think insulin would mess with my sleep, thats a naturally occurring chemical, so I just don't know.

The nurse was just in and suggests I get on a schedule. O.o yes, I'll get right on that, wasn't that you waking me up at 3am to force antibiotic pills down my throat? lol But I digress...

So, really there isn't much update wise, the mag is stopped, my body is "functional" again, for those who have been on Magnesium Sulfate, you know what I mean, for others, it's probably a bit TMI. lol Maybe having no idea when I might go into labor is making it hard to relax as well.

I am willing to take *any* hints or tips from y'all who might know how to get through. I didn't have this issue when I had PTL at 22 weeks. Okay, this post is feeling like whining, I'm sorry!

We'll see what the doc on rounds says this morning I have 3 questions written down all ready to ask. Hopefully I will have some answers next time I post.

I did get one answer this morning, I am here for the duration, no matter how long that is. Yes, this makes me a sad panda, but I'll do whatever I have to do for my baby girl. It *does* sound like I will not be going beyond 34 weeks with the fact that my water is broken. That means that it shouldn't be more than 5 weeks. No wonder I can't sleep.

One of the architectural designs at night.

29 weeks 2 days - Evening update

Got my IV replaced a bit ago, the other was killing me. The new one is MUCH better at 10:30 they stop the mag, so we'll see if I go into labor at that point. I'm not sure how long it actually takes the mag to wear off, but she's back to head down and face back, ready for delivery. (I sincerely hope she stays that way or she'll be a c-section.)

At this point they wont try anything to stop it, it just is what it is and we'll go with that. I am content and taking solace in the fact that I was able to carry her at least 47 days past my first very scary preterm labor bout. I know that might sound wrong, but they have done everything they can to give her the best possible chance when she is born, whether it's today or in the next week. I am going to trust in that to get me though with as little stress as possible.

I love this baby girl and I'll do anything for her, but some things just aren't in my hands so I am trusting in faith at this point.

Well, I slept for a bit.

From my last post until now, off and on, I was able to sleep for a bit. I am so tired. :(

29 weeks *2* days!

Not much change, I am still spotting. My back hurts again, but I think there are other reasons for that ::eyes the bed:: and I just can't seem to stop peeing... ::eyes the IV fluids:: Oh, and one more thing... when I go to roll over at night, this thing (which has been growing for months I might add) just keeps getting in the way. I thought it might be something I ate, but nope, they tell me that is where the cutie is!

No, not cootie... cutie!  See? That photo over there? That is where I keep my Bella still! Safe, warm and growing more and more each day. Soon we will meet, but the time hasn't come quite yet.  She's a smart cookie who is giving the medicines time to work. I'm proud of my Bella girl. I am very excited to meet her, but I know she's is worth the wait.


(This post was written in a Bella friendly reading format, but it also lets you know, I am still pregnant. 29, 2 and counting.)

Oh so much fun!

In the hospital, water broken (AKA pPROM or preterm premature rupture of membranes) just 4 hours short of 24 hours now. Getting steroids on board again for Isabella's lungs, as well as magnesium sulfate to help prevent a brain bleed and cerebral palsy.

We are at 29 weeks 1 day now. By 29 weeks and 2 days we will have both steroid shots on board the needed doses of mag only another 28 hours of mag. This stuff is HORRID!

So, waiting, watching, hoping, praying, trying to relax, trying to be calm, and trying to believe that faith will bring the healthiest Isabella possible. The tiny little girl who I hope will grow and thrive despite it all and be a shining example to others diagnosed with HRHS.

We can't always get what we want, but when we try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. With all the loss I've been through and experienced in life already... I need a sweet Bella to add even more light and love in our lives.

New U/S pics!

In lieu of a big post as I am still not supposed to sit up that long I took some photos with my phone (sorry no scanner here) and cropped up some new U/S pics from yesterday's U/S. The epic post will wait and see how I do on the lower doses of the medications and such.

She waved and showed us her whole hand. This is my favorite pic.

 

 

 

Her profile is so precious. I love her so much.

So, there is a ton o updating to do and I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get it all posted, but for now, Bella is my biggest concern. I sincerely doubt I am going to forget any details, even if I wanted to. So an full recount of events will be posted and maybe help people have a better understanding. <3

Okay, the hospital is good but....

I need to vent.

One hand never seems to know what the other is doing. Upon admission it was made clear that the goal for the weekend was to focus on stopping my labor and nothing else. Then, Monday everything was going to get busy. That I would be meeting with at least 3 different specialists today and start getting all the information gathered for me, for Bella and to form the "big picture".

We need to know what is going on with her heart, we need to know how good or bad it is. We need to know the risks and possible outcomes. After going through this weekend from hell to try to make sure she has a chance. I need that big picture. I need to know the facts.

First steroid shot done!

Bella baby's lungs are that much closer to being functional at birth. We have another steroid injection in about 19 hours. Between now and then we have a barrage of appointments that will let us know a LOT more of the "full picture" than we do now. The neonatal specialist as well as the peds cardiac doc are HUGE pieces of the puzzle. Between those two and the peri we can start piecing together this puzzle that I hope results in a healthy and happy Bella baby.

I am also hoping to get moved down to the antepartum floor today with the rest of the bedresting moms to be. It was one thing hoping to make it days, and I am still hoping to make it weeks, but I know the docs are hoping for months and I just can't think that far ahead right now. It's too overwhelming. I am away from everything I have, my kids, everything.and oh my gosh I miss my bed too! And being able to eat when I want and what I want (within my GD restrictions.) as it is I am sitting here counting down the time until I can even place my breakfast order. 1.5 hours and then another 45 minutes beyond that for it to get here. UHG!

I can do this, I can do this. I know I can, I'm strong! (Man I wish I could take small walks)

Preterm labor...

I almost forgot how scary and not fun this is. I haven't been able to do a whole lot that requires much typing lately because I have to be laying down at no more than a 15% incline. It's really hard to type that way. I will however compile a nice post that is a record of the days from Friday through... well through whenever I can sit up and type longer.

Bed rest of this magnitude is hard. I can only get up to use the restroom and that is it. No walks, no grabbing a drink, no getting fresh air.

I did sneak a snap of my 23 week belly pic, it's a day early but I had a good chance of getting a quick shot and I have been without contractions so I thought it'd be best to do it while I thought it was safest.

Yes my hair is in braids, blah, but with long hair, bed rest and no shower... well you know. I did get my very first sponge bath last night though... that was, different... Although the hair wash they did, was like the salon, oh it was SOOOOOO nice. ::sigh::