Watching the Sunrise

I woke up this morning feeling even better than I did yesterday. Looking down... pregnant still? Yep. Looking outside seeing the blues, pinks and purples of the sky, looking forward to another sunny day. ::sigh:: Then I remember it's another sunny day... in the hospital.

Bella updates, not a whole lot. She's still hanging out in there, growing and hopefully getting ready for the world. She's been a tough cookie so far and both of her strips looked great yesterday. Her kicks are starting to get increasingly painful, which is great. The more they hurt, the stronger she is. (That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.) Last week my goal was to make it to 30 weeks. I managed that. My new goal is to make it to 32 weeks. I refuse to make goals any further out than that and I find reassurance in each hour, each day that passes with her still growing.

I do my morning things, quickly pop open my laptop and there is a message from mom. Emma had her first soccer practice ever last night and she did great. Talk about bitter sweet. I should have been there. I am fortunate that Grandma had the picture taking mindset or I'd have missed it completely. It looks like Emma enjoyed it, but I really don't know if she did or not. I haven't even gotten to talk to her yet after her practice. (Okay, falling into the poor me pit... climbing back out of that right now.) So, bitter sweet. I am THRILLED that Emma *finally* chose something to be a part of, we've been encouraging her for years.

Best number ever! <3 7 <3

So, as far as I know that is it for updates today. Less and less seems to be happening the longer I am here in the hospital. Exciting stuff I tell you! lol I do plan to request a growth scan for little miss Bella. I want to know how she's coming along and I don't think that is unreasonable. I know it can be off, but a general idea that she's thriving despite lack of fluid... I feel is reasonable.

Talking and dribbling. Ain't no thang.

Practice is tiring, need... a... drink! 

30 weeks!

We've made it to the official 30 week mark and today also marks 1 full week since my water broke! According to the statistics I was given, each additional day Bella is kept in my tummy is 3 days less that she would have to spend in the NICU. So... 7 days pregnant beyond water breaking, times 3 days per day... that's 21 days less that Bella would have to spend in the NICU now, versus had she been born last week. 

Heck, we've made it 8 weeks past the start of preterm labor which had started at 22 weeks! While I know that ultimately I have little to no control whether she is born early or not, I feel good that I am doing the right things to try to ensure this little one the best start I can give her.

If I ever hear anyone say this stuff is easy... I think I'm going to have to be restrained though lol! I have to say that what I've been through with this pregnancy, by FAR trumps anything I've dealt with in previous pregnancies. And time in bed and in the hospital... omg... 8 weeks, with the possibility of not 4... but 6 more weeks here. I found out just yesterday that if I don't deliver before 36 weeks, they wont induce me until then, rather than the typical 34 weeks that they'd induce at with a typical baby and broken water situation.

One day at a time, each day bringing us a healthier Bella baby.

29 weeks 2 days - Evening update

Got my IV replaced a bit ago, the other was killing me. The new one is MUCH better at 10:30 they stop the mag, so we'll see if I go into labor at that point. I'm not sure how long it actually takes the mag to wear off, but she's back to head down and face back, ready for delivery. (I sincerely hope she stays that way or she'll be a c-section.)

At this point they wont try anything to stop it, it just is what it is and we'll go with that. I am content and taking solace in the fact that I was able to carry her at least 47 days past my first very scary preterm labor bout. I know that might sound wrong, but they have done everything they can to give her the best possible chance when she is born, whether it's today or in the next week. I am going to trust in that to get me though with as little stress as possible.

I love this baby girl and I'll do anything for her, but some things just aren't in my hands so I am trusting in faith at this point.

Bordom, better than labor.

27 weeks!

It's not easy, but I've made it this far and plan to keep going! I'll find out Thursday for sure, but generally this week baby is 2.5 lbs, which means that she is half way to her goal weight! What a difference just 31 days make! From 1 lb 3 oz to 2 lb 8 oz (Give or take like I said above.) And from head to toes, she's now 15 inches long! Getting close. Hoping to make it another 8 weeks if possible, maybe even 10... we'll see how I do, but I am certainly trying!

So, here is the belly pic for the week. I have no idea if I am bigger or not... but it's here either way! <3

Bella's Bassinet came today!

I'm so excited. It feels so much more real seeing her "bed" to be. Well, the bed before the crib, but yeah... and it's so princess like. I can't wait to see her sleeping in it, just like the precious little one she is. I haven't tied the bows, that's grandma's job for sure. She's the pristine bow maker in the family.

So in the last couple of days we've gotten her binkies, her bassinet and her diaper bag *should* be here today considering it says it was delivered yesterday...

Anyhow, here is a pic of the new goodie. Everything is hung a bit high on it, hoping to de-wrinkle the fabric and then I'll lower it into place.

I looooooove this!

I am so stupid excited. Okay, I am going to lay down now, I spent too much time up putting it together.

My lack of posting

Appalls even me! So, this is just a quick post, to let you know that I will be doing catch up posts and real time posts once again.

I think the depression of such a long and strict bedrest got the best of me for a bit and my only focus was on Isabella.

Oh there is one update I can post with this before I start the barrage of updates lol!

We were finally able to order a "large" item from Bella's wishlist. She now has a bassinet on it's way for her to sleep in when she is able to come home. I even have pics, but I really can't wait to get pics of it actually set up! Delivery takes so looooong! lol

I looooove eyelets for little girls!

The whole bassinet. I can't wait!

I can just picture my precious Bella laying in her bassinet. ::sigh::

New U/S pics!

In lieu of a big post as I am still not supposed to sit up that long I took some photos with my phone (sorry no scanner here) and cropped up some new U/S pics from yesterday's U/S. The epic post will wait and see how I do on the lower doses of the medications and such.

She waved and showed us her whole hand. This is my favorite pic.

 

 

 

Her profile is so precious. I love her so much.

So, there is a ton o updating to do and I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get it all posted, but for now, Bella is my biggest concern. I sincerely doubt I am going to forget any details, even if I wanted to. So an full recount of events will be posted and maybe help people have a better understanding. <3

Okay, the hospital is good but....

I need to vent.

One hand never seems to know what the other is doing. Upon admission it was made clear that the goal for the weekend was to focus on stopping my labor and nothing else. Then, Monday everything was going to get busy. That I would be meeting with at least 3 different specialists today and start getting all the information gathered for me, for Bella and to form the "big picture".

We need to know what is going on with her heart, we need to know how good or bad it is. We need to know the risks and possible outcomes. After going through this weekend from hell to try to make sure she has a chance. I need that big picture. I need to know the facts.

Sometimes the hardest thing to hear...

Is I'm sorry. If I tell someone about Isabella's heart condition, I can hear the words before they're even spoken. And while I know full well, that those words are meant to comfort, support, love, it doesn't make it any easier to hear. I know without a doubt that it isn't said maliciously. I just want to make that clear.

From my side of things, I'm sorry sounds like the worst case scenario outcome. I'm sorry sounds like people don't think Bella baby will make it. And I once again, know that isn't the intention.

How do I get used to hearing it? How do I hear it and not break down and cry? How do I hear it and take it in for the strength behind the words, the meaning that they really have in mind? Why on earth is it so hard to hear two simple words that I know are well meant?

I struggle each day with what Bella will likely have to endure to live even a semi normal life. I struggle with decisions I know I may have to make. I struggle to just not focus on it and become consumed with despair. But for some reason hearing I'm sorry makes it feel like that is exactly what I should do.

I've seen two babies lost to CHDs. Justin, my nephew passed at 6 months old. He'd be 15 now, I believe, had he survived. And more recently Lynnea passed away from complications from a similar heart defect, HLHS. Both of these sweet innocent babies were the first thing I pictured when the Peri told us there is something wrong with her heart.

I know this journey will be just that. I know it wont be peaches and cream and I know that both Bella and I are going to have a fight on our hands. But I trust that we're going to be strong enough to tackle this head on. I want so badly for Bella to be a success story for HRHS and I believe in all my heart that she can be. I'm doing all I can to pass her the fighting spirit that has carried me through life thus far. If she has that, I know she can be strong.

I'm sorry this post is so long (look at that, I said those words!) and if you read it this far, I'm impressed. Please don't tell me you're sorry. Please just keep this little one in your thoughts and your prayers if you pray. Every little bit helps.

SoftBums!

I was so happy. I was reading yet another cloth diapering website and since I long ago made the choice to use SoftBums exclusively it's nice because everything I read, every site I go to raves about them. Here is a review I found this morning.

All-In-Twos (AI2s) A waterproof material for the outside forms a cover over an insert (the trifolded prefolds with a diaper cover would be considered an AI2). Some have a snap to keep an absorbent liner in place.

 

Pros: This method is great because you can reuse the cover (as long as it is not soiled) and just switch out the insert. Drying is quick since the absorbent part of the diaper is a separate piece. This makes for a pretty inexpensive yet convenient diapering solution.

Cons: For newborns with explosive runny poos, you need to have extra covers on hand since the covers will get soiled more often.

Examples: SoftBums Echo, SoftBums Omni

Needless to say I LOVE to read how great the diapers are. Originally I chose the Echo, because they're more affordable and you can buy them in pre-made "packs" at a discount. But I think if I buy any singles to add to the collection they'll be Omni's for sure. Especially the Miss Kitty print. I LOVE it!

Oh and an added bonus? The SoftBums are made and sold by a mom local to me, I love the idea of supporting someone so close!

Just thought I'd share. :D

22 weeks!

It's amazing. 22 weeks down, 14 to go, assuming we stay with the plan of having her between 36 and 37 weeks which was the original plan. Freaking out yet? Maybe a little! lol

Of course I have the weekly belly pic... and yes, I just happen to have the same shirt on today as I did Friday. Sue me. :p It's super soft and very comfortable.

So we're down to 10 days until we have the appointment with the pediatric cardiologist. I think this is going to be a rough week, especially as we get closer to the appointment time. I am hoping for the best possible news, but I am preparing for the worst. Tough to do!

Wow, looking at that belly pic, I am really getting huge. I wonder if I'll get much bigger before I have her. I found a pic of me from when I was 31 weeks pregnant with Emma... hmm. Maybe I'll have to make a side by side comparison! I wish I had been more regular about taking belly pics with Emma, but for whatever reason I just wasn't. Could be that at 20 weeks with her we found out about the chorioangioma. Ah, to have a stress free pregnancy. I forget what that's like.

Oh, and I haven't posted one of these in a while. I think it's fun to read about what she's doing in there each week, you may or may not... but here is What to Expect When You're Expecting has to say about her this week...

Your Baby in Week 22 of Pregnancy This week, your baby weighs in at a whopping pound and measures nearly eight inches, about the size of a small doll. But your little doll (who now has eyebrows, eyelashes, and maybe even some hair on that little head) is a living one who can now perceive light and dark. She can also hear your voice, your heartbeat, your gurgling stomach, and the whoosh-whoosh of blood circulating through your body. And as her brain and nerve endings develop, she may reach for her face (or whatever she can reach) just to experiment with her newfound sense of touch.

Awe, I have a little Bella baby doll in there. She packs one heck of a kick now though! Both Jim and Steve have now felt her kick from the outside. Further validation of, who knows what, but it makes me feel good. I can't help but think she's getting stronger and stronger with every kick and that when it comes time to address her HRHS, she'll be that much better off for it.

Okay, I am off to make that comparison picture! If it's interesting in any way, I'll probably share it.

I shouldn't have started!

Now I have the shopping bug big time. Well, maybe it's more of a nesting thing. I so badly want to be ready for this baby when she comes. Assuming things go as planned then I will be having her at 36 weeks... making the time left less than 15 weeks... eek!

There is no way I am going to be ready in 15 weeks! Yikes. Well, if I focus on the basics I should be close enough. I do already feel better with what I have so far... I just feel that I need more now. >.< I want to have the girls room ready already.

That's normal... right? lol

I was naughty today...

I went shopping, with money I have, but really shouldn't spend...

I bought some sleepers, some onesies, some little hats, some little pants, a Jenny Jump Up (apparently if it's pink it's Jenny not Johnny) and a Rock and Play Sleeper. Just some of the very basics from my wishlist of things to have for her.

I know, she wont be here for another 15 weeks... however, now I have some things for her. Now I have a place for her to sleep, (not a crib yet, but it'll do if I can't get one right away) things for her to wear... Heart problems or not, I am going to do everything I can to bring this little girl home and I am going to keep the faith that I will be able to bring her home. I realize I may have to wait until after surgeries and several other things. But I am not giving up and I know she wont either.

I'll post pics of the goodies in a bit, I am going to see how my Emma is feeling, she came home early from school sick.