Sometimes the hardest thing to hear...

Is I'm sorry. If I tell someone about Isabella's heart condition, I can hear the words before they're even spoken. And while I know full well, that those words are meant to comfort, support, love, it doesn't make it any easier to hear. I know without a doubt that it isn't said maliciously. I just want to make that clear.

From my side of things, I'm sorry sounds like the worst case scenario outcome. I'm sorry sounds like people don't think Bella baby will make it. And I once again, know that isn't the intention.

How do I get used to hearing it? How do I hear it and not break down and cry? How do I hear it and take it in for the strength behind the words, the meaning that they really have in mind? Why on earth is it so hard to hear two simple words that I know are well meant?

I struggle each day with what Bella will likely have to endure to live even a semi normal life. I struggle with decisions I know I may have to make. I struggle to just not focus on it and become consumed with despair. But for some reason hearing I'm sorry makes it feel like that is exactly what I should do.

I've seen two babies lost to CHDs. Justin, my nephew passed at 6 months old. He'd be 15 now, I believe, had he survived. And more recently Lynnea passed away from complications from a similar heart defect, HLHS. Both of these sweet innocent babies were the first thing I pictured when the Peri told us there is something wrong with her heart.

I know this journey will be just that. I know it wont be peaches and cream and I know that both Bella and I are going to have a fight on our hands. But I trust that we're going to be strong enough to tackle this head on. I want so badly for Bella to be a success story for HRHS and I believe in all my heart that she can be. I'm doing all I can to pass her the fighting spirit that has carried me through life thus far. If she has that, I know she can be strong.

I'm sorry this post is so long (look at that, I said those words!) and if you read it this far, I'm impressed. Please don't tell me you're sorry. Please just keep this little one in your thoughts and your prayers if you pray. Every little bit helps.