There is an up side...

At least I can wear my own clothes now that I am off of all the IV stuff.

29 weeks and 5 days

Which means I've been back in Abbott for 5 days. I think it would be easier if they didn't wake you up at 4 am to give you meds... Hello? I'm all big and pregnant and it's already hard to sleep, please don't wake me up at 4 am as well. Bleh! So, despite being sleepy, I am awake now and can't get back to sleep as of yet.

Ohhh though! Mom bought a ton of cute little preemie and newborn outfits for this little pumpkin, which I cannot wait to put her in! She and Miss Emma came for a visit last night with a whole bag of goodies to show me. (Not to mention the surprise visit) It was wonderful!

Oi, how am I ever going to get ready for her stuck here? No nesting, no shopping, notta! I guess I am lucky that the bassinet is already purchased, put together and ready for her. SO much left to buy and do. :(

Okay while I am going to make Stephen drag my happy buns downstairs for a walk, the doors open at 5 am and as long as I am in a wheelchair I am okay to go out and about a little bit each day. That helps the boredom and depression of being stuck in the hospital a bit. In my current situation there isn't anywhere I'd rather be, at least not as far as Bella's safety goes. It's not just me though, all the mom's on this unit look equally depressed.

Maybe I'll drag my camera with and y'all can see what I see. :D I'm sure that will be boring, but it's probably much less so that just sitting here! :P

29 weeks 4 days Bump Pic

Also 4 long days in the hospital. Their goal (I'm told today) is to get me to 34 weeks. 5 weeks in the hospital on bedrest... So hard not to get completely depressed, which I am already fighting, I can't wait for the good outcome though don't get me wrong. ::sigh::

4 days!

4 days post water break and I am still pregnant! I also got a decent night of sleep, so my spirits are up. (Sorry about last night's whine fest)

I met Dr. Nye this morning who is "SO excited to see me STILL pregnant!" lol she cracked me up. She was seriously great, I'm surprised this is the first time I get to meet her. Also I was able to go all night without too much leaking, hopefully Bella will be happily surrounded by fluid once again.

I still cannot fathom being here for weeks, but I think it's okay to just take it a day at a time for now. That's about all I can handle. Bedrest sucks hospital bedrest sucks more. Also, trying to feed my helper is hard... do I go without some of my meal or how do I feed him?

One final word... bored! lol

I'll update more later. :)

Still hanging in there.

We had a small incident with leaking and contractions, enough to make the Peri check my cervix, but things have since calmed back down. I seem to be holding on at the same dilation and effacement, which is good.

Anxiety is high, depression is looming, but I am reminding myself it's only 5 more weeks and she is going to be that much better for it. Assuming labor and infection stay gone that long of course. I miss bedrest at home. I miss my kids. I miss my plants too, my poor plants lol, I can't water them from here.:(

I think I am having a poor me moment. Yes, I can admit I am weak. It's hard to be strong all of the time.

Today's bump pic...

I decided to do these daily now, because I am not sure how much longer I am going to be carrying her.

It's blurry, lighting sucks, but you get it. lol

Just some pics

Here are a few random photos from my "suite" on the antenatal floor.

Stephen brought me the TV and Xbox to make it a bit more like home.

Hospital beds... bleh. But, touches of home again. They help some.

Guest accommodation, Steve's a messy sleeper.

That's all I have for now, but I am bored out of my mind and homesick, I am sure I'll have more. Whether or not you care to see them is another story, but this is where I will bring my Isabella into the world. Not the room, but the hospital. I believe the saying is that each day I carry her closer to her due date, means two less in NICU. Granted, that is for normal babies, but I'd like to think it applies to this little sweety at least a little. <3

I want to sleep so badly. :(

I just can't seem do it. Well, I can, but not for longer than an hour at a time, 3 max if I really roll over and try to stay asleep. It's wearing on me badly. They of course offer me meds to help me sleep, but it all leaves me feeling drugged and hung over the next day, which I can't stand.

I thought for sure getting the IVs out, no more steroids, no more mag and I'd be sleeping like a baby. Apparently not so. I don't seem to be uncomfortable in any specific way, aside from maybe wishing I had a humidifier, my nose is NOT loving the dry hospital air.

I took a nice hot shower last night as soon as my IVs came off, granted I had to glove the one arm with the saline lock in it, but that isn't a big deal either way and I didn't have to sleep with it gloved. I don't think insulin would mess with my sleep, thats a naturally occurring chemical, so I just don't know.

The nurse was just in and suggests I get on a schedule. O.o yes, I'll get right on that, wasn't that you waking me up at 3am to force antibiotic pills down my throat? lol But I digress...

So, really there isn't much update wise, the mag is stopped, my body is "functional" again, for those who have been on Magnesium Sulfate, you know what I mean, for others, it's probably a bit TMI. lol Maybe having no idea when I might go into labor is making it hard to relax as well.

I am willing to take *any* hints or tips from y'all who might know how to get through. I didn't have this issue when I had PTL at 22 weeks. Okay, this post is feeling like whining, I'm sorry!

We'll see what the doc on rounds says this morning I have 3 questions written down all ready to ask. Hopefully I will have some answers next time I post.

I did get one answer this morning, I am here for the duration, no matter how long that is. Yes, this makes me a sad panda, but I'll do whatever I have to do for my baby girl. It *does* sound like I will not be going beyond 34 weeks with the fact that my water is broken. That means that it shouldn't be more than 5 weeks. No wonder I can't sleep.

One of the architectural designs at night.

29 weeks 2 days - Evening update

Got my IV replaced a bit ago, the other was killing me. The new one is MUCH better at 10:30 they stop the mag, so we'll see if I go into labor at that point. I'm not sure how long it actually takes the mag to wear off, but she's back to head down and face back, ready for delivery. (I sincerely hope she stays that way or she'll be a c-section.)

At this point they wont try anything to stop it, it just is what it is and we'll go with that. I am content and taking solace in the fact that I was able to carry her at least 47 days past my first very scary preterm labor bout. I know that might sound wrong, but they have done everything they can to give her the best possible chance when she is born, whether it's today or in the next week. I am going to trust in that to get me though with as little stress as possible.

I love this baby girl and I'll do anything for her, but some things just aren't in my hands so I am trusting in faith at this point.

What does Emma do while mommy and Bella are in the hospital?

She spends her time at Grandma and Grandpa's, getting rides all the way too and from school in Anoka from both grands... even better than that... she gets to snuggle with both grands... and sometimes a grand(ma in this case) will put her right to sleep with said snuggles! Only it happens way before bed time, around 5:30 p.m.so miss Emma finds herself awake at 3 a.m..

What do you think little miss does, finding she's hungry and everyone is asleep? She makes herself something to eat of course. Some cold deli fried chicken from the fridge followed by an ice cream cone... which is NO small feet to put together for a 6 year old at the grand's house. The cones are way up on the top-back of the fridge. For entertainment, miss Emma then proceeded to occupy herself with Fable 3 on the X-box until other members of the household woke up.

While not what I was expecting, I am impressed, there were very big girl moves and decisions on her part! After all of this, she was still able to get ready and dressed for school this morning and she and grandpa took a nice ride to get her there.

I think it was an awfully cute adventure, I am also glad she didn't manage to get hurt during her adventure. She's a smart and fortunate girl.

Well, I slept for a bit.

From my last post until now, off and on, I was able to sleep for a bit. I am so tired. :(

29 weeks *2* days!

Not much change, I am still spotting. My back hurts again, but I think there are other reasons for that ::eyes the bed:: and I just can't seem to stop peeing... ::eyes the IV fluids:: Oh, and one more thing... when I go to roll over at night, this thing (which has been growing for months I might add) just keeps getting in the way. I thought it might be something I ate, but nope, they tell me that is where the cutie is!

No, not cootie... cutie!  See? That photo over there? That is where I keep my Bella still! Safe, warm and growing more and more each day. Soon we will meet, but the time hasn't come quite yet.  She's a smart cookie who is giving the medicines time to work. I'm proud of my Bella girl. I am very excited to meet her, but I know she's is worth the wait.


(This post was written in a Bella friendly reading format, but it also lets you know, I am still pregnant. 29, 2 and counting.)

Bordom, better than labor.

Possible labor

At about 10:30ish I've started spotting and have lower back pain. It may be the start of labor, it might just be something that goes along with having pPROM. I'm not sure as this is my first time with this specific situation.

So, I guess it's more wait and see. Either way, I thought I'd give at least some update. :)

Oh, I also just received my second steroid shot for Bella... so, that is it for those. IF I understood correctly the shots are most effective within 48 hours of the second shot? I am going to have to look that up online to be sure. I'll edit the post when I have what I believe is the correct information.

An actual endocrinologist!

My GD has gone crazy once again since the injection of the betamethasone for Bella. The steroid shot I've mentioned a time or two before to help mature Bella for birth.

(Betamethasone is also used to stimulate fetal lung maturation (prevention of IRDS), and to decrease the incidence and mortality from intracranial hemorrhage in premature infants.)

Anyhow, that stuff has driven my blood sugars WAY up so I am once again an insulin injecting momma. The nurse looked shocked when I didn't hesitate with the needle lol. It's not for me, it's for Isabella, so... it's easy.

Oh, yes, back to it. For the first time since even my PCOS diagnosis I've seen an endocrinologist and he was awesome. So, either until I have Bella or the steroid effect is no longer in effect I will be injecting insulin.

Oh so much fun!

In the hospital, water broken (AKA pPROM or preterm premature rupture of membranes) just 4 hours short of 24 hours now. Getting steroids on board again for Isabella's lungs, as well as magnesium sulfate to help prevent a brain bleed and cerebral palsy.

We are at 29 weeks 1 day now. By 29 weeks and 2 days we will have both steroid shots on board the needed doses of mag only another 28 hours of mag. This stuff is HORRID!

So, waiting, watching, hoping, praying, trying to relax, trying to be calm, and trying to believe that faith will bring the healthiest Isabella possible. The tiny little girl who I hope will grow and thrive despite it all and be a shining example to others diagnosed with HRHS.

We can't always get what we want, but when we try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. With all the loss I've been through and experienced in life already... I need a sweet Bella to add even more light and love in our lives.

broken water

yep my water broke. whoever said a cold couldnt do it, was wrong. a good cough and that was it.

i am updating from my phone, i will post more as i know more.

29 weeks!

If you had told me 7 weeks ago that I'd be 29 weeks today, I might have called you a silly-nanny, however, here we are! I also didn't think that I would get much bigger than I was, since I got so big so fast. Looks like I was wrong. I feel like I have a basketball in my stomach now! I am still down 14 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, which is fine for now, as I am slowly starting to gain it back. 

As I said in the earlier post tomorrow is our amnio. I am hoping my cold doesn't stop that or cause any issues with it.

This update feels so short, but I am thinking short, is good. :)

Colds are a bummer!

I am on day 2 of the worst cold I've had in a long time and I am miserable. Pregnancy PLUS a cold, wow! Talk about fun to manage.

I should count myself lucky. As many colds as Emma has caught and brought home, this is the first one I wasn't able to fight off on my own. But what I wouldn't give to be able to take red or green... ::le'sigh:: (NyQuil for those who don't get it.)

Tomorrow is the Amnio. I am hoping that I have the cough under control by then. I can't imagine what that would do or be like... Uhg.

Well, that was fast... amnio set up.

I had my big day of appointments last Thursday, I had my bi-weekly OB appointment yesterday, and now my amniocentesis is set up for Tuesday the 26th. That was almost scary fast.

So, facts...

• On 4/26/11 I will be 29 weeks 1 day.
• If the amnio causes any issues, Bella should do okay if we need to deliver.
• The goal of the amnio is to check Bella's chromosome 22 for immunity factors.
• I am a wee bit nervous, but I sincerely believe they're only doing what is best. Knowing if she is going to have issues with fighting infection before (hopefully) she is born will save her extra testing and allow them to be ready to help her fight them.

I was hoping to wait until 32 weeks, but as time goes on, space gets more cramped in there. So I guess sooner rather than later is logical.

It sounds like I'll get there, meet with the genetic counselor to talk over the procedure before the procedure, have roughly an hour long U/S done, during which they will preform the amnio and then finish it off with a fetal NST (non stress test).

Yikes! But we can take it. We're tough cookies. :D

28 weeks and big updates

Okay, so it's a couple of days late, sue me. I'm pregnant and still suffering from Dory brain, lol.

This weeks belly pic... I'm still only down 14 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight but considering I am measuring a week ahead on fundal height and have plenty of amniotic fluid I've probably technically "lost" more than the scale shows. Anyhow, the shirt looks baggy on me, but is the same size as the others I have.

Not the best pic, maybe I'll try to snap another one. The flash really puts a shadow on things. Oops.

OB appointment today. Still at 1cm dilated, however, my cervix is softening and 75% effaced. Although I think is about normal for me and pregnancy. Still getting 17P, but thankfully I've had just one nurse the past 3 times and she knows how to give the shot.

As for my belated update on last weeks appointments I'll give the bullet points as I can remember them. 4 appointments in one day is a LOT and a LOT of information lol

Fetal Echo cardiogram and meeting with the Pediatric Cardiologist Dr. Rios:

• Bella's heart is looking fairly good considering. She still has the hypo-plastic right ventricle.
• Her aortic arch is looking great, which is great news
• All of her arteries, veins and valves aside from the Tricuspid are doing great
• Her weight was estimated at 2lbs 3 oz., give or take 5 oz. 
• She was measuring right on track with her due date

Meeting with the pediatric cardiac surgeon:

• Dr. Moga was very straight forward, nice guy, positive attitude.
• In light of the most recent echo cardiogram he feels we might be able to skip the first surgery
• When Bella is born she will get an injection (I believe) of prostoglandins to keep the bypass tube that generally closes at birth open, at least initially. This may enable us to skip the first surgery.
• Assuming I carry her to term she should only have a 1 - 3 week hospital stay, depending on whether they do the stage one or not.
• Her chances of survival over all are greatly increased with the good news from the latest echo. She went from having a 70% chance of making it to the age of 5 to having a 93% chance of making it to the age of 5.

Meeting with the Head NICU Dr. Brasil:

• He would like me to undergo an amnio to test Bella's chromosome 22 for any signs of DiGeorge Syndrome  which would impact her ability to fight infection. I believe doing this proactively while I am still carrying her is a great idea and gives her that much more of a chance once she's born.
• There will be 4 - 5 people from the NICU team present at Bella's birth whether she is term or not, due to her heart condition.
• There is a good chance I will be able to hold her after birth especially if she does well on her APGARs. If this is the case I will also be able to put her to breast right away. (This is what I am hoping for.)
• We can dress her and hold her whenever possible while she's in NICU, although visitation rules tend to be a bit strict, it's still possible.
• I can room in or for a fairly small fee stay at the Ronald McDonald house that is right off the NICU in the same building depending on availability.

Abbott Birthing Center:

• Because of Bella's condition I have to deliver in an OR, whether I am having her natural or not. 
• If she is born VBAC I can have 2 people with me, if she is c-section I can have only one.
• Once I get the "go ahead" to visit Bella I am free to go as long as I pop in now and again for check ups until I am released. 
• Despite all the possible issues I still get to create and follow my own birth plan as allowed by Bella's condition and my own. I am making out multiples for different situations.
• The Perinatal group will be delivering despite my having an OB in addition. 

Whew. I think that is it for updates as far as I know. Certainly as far as I can remember for now. I am so re-assured by the news from the appointments and the fact that I have made it from 22 weeks when I first went into PTL to 28 weeks where I am now. I've carried her 6 weeks closer to our goal and despite being completely miserable on bedrest the latest fFN test from today was again negative which means I *should* be able to get at least another 2 weeks further. 

Isabella and mommy

Okay, so photobucket was annoyingly down for 2 days... Which meant no new posts, at least not picture posts.

However, it's finally up so I thought I'd share this pic of Isabella and I.

You're wondering "is that it?" and for now I have to say yes. Today is the day full of appointments though, so I am hoping I will have a lot more information and I am praying I will have at least a bit of good news to share when we get back.

Just for fun... another collage.

It's not great, I haven't taken these into photoshop to do it right yet, I just used the basic photobucket tools. I figure when I have her I will do the final series in photoshop the "right" way lol.

So, anyhow, here it is and it's just for fun.

Click to see a larger version.

27 weeks!

It's not easy, but I've made it this far and plan to keep going! I'll find out Thursday for sure, but generally this week baby is 2.5 lbs, which means that she is half way to her goal weight! What a difference just 31 days make! From 1 lb 3 oz to 2 lb 8 oz (Give or take like I said above.) And from head to toes, she's now 15 inches long! Getting close. Hoping to make it another 8 weeks if possible, maybe even 10... we'll see how I do, but I am certainly trying!

So, here is the belly pic for the week. I have no idea if I am bigger or not... but it's here either way! <3

Bella's Bassinet came today!

I'm so excited. It feels so much more real seeing her "bed" to be. Well, the bed before the crib, but yeah... and it's so princess like. I can't wait to see her sleeping in it, just like the precious little one she is. I haven't tied the bows, that's grandma's job for sure. She's the pristine bow maker in the family.

So in the last couple of days we've gotten her binkies, her bassinet and her diaper bag *should* be here today considering it says it was delivered yesterday...

Anyhow, here is a pic of the new goodie. Everything is hung a bit high on it, hoping to de-wrinkle the fabric and then I'll lower it into place.

I looooooove this!

I am so stupid excited. Okay, I am going to lay down now, I spent too much time up putting it together.

Today's updates

The OB home care appointment went well. I am having nothing more than minor contractions, hardly enough to register on the toco thingy. (Technical terms I say!) This little peanut did do half a forward roll though as soon as the nurse took the monitor's belt off. She was originally head and feet down (think pike position) and now she's transverse breech with her head on the right, feet on the left and butt in my pelvis. (think reclining)

Once the nurse left I checked my email and there was a delivery confirmation for the Wubbanub and other binkies I had ordered! So ya, checked the mail and there they were :D

Here is a blurry, but still cute photo of her new stuff... her new diaper bag is meant to be delivered today as well.

I know I can't afford to buy her too much, but each thing I get feels like I am a step closer to her and to bringing her home, heart problems or not.

Test results are fun!

What is fFN?

When the result is good. Yesterday's fFN test was once again negative which means I *should* have no issues with PTL again for at least another 2 weeks. It's not 100%, but darn close, so I think it's safe to say we will make it to no less than 28 weeks. That is so much better than the 22week date I almost had her at and gives her a MUCH better chance at less issues.

So,that is a relief.

The public health nurse was here for her monthly visit this morning. The OB home care nurse will be here tomorrow to monitor Bella and I, as she is every Friday, and then we have 4 days with no appointments. I think the small break in schedule is to make up for Thursday's appointments... We have to be to Abbott by 11:30am and between Abbott and Children's we'll bounce back and forth for four appointments. ISH!

Thursday's Appointments:

• 11:30am Fetal Echo-cardiogram and Growth Scan with Dr. Rios - Pediatric Cardiologist and one of the Perinatal Docs from the practice
• 1:00 pm Discuss Bella's upcoming surgeries with Dr. Moga, one of her two cardiac surgeons
• 2:00 pm Dr. Brasel head of the NICU and Neonatal team that will attend Bella's birth - a general "What to Expect" appointment followed by tours of the NICU and the CICU where Bella will spend at least her first few weeks.
• 3:00pm Tour the Birth Center at Abbott, all I saw last time was my room... and creation of the birth plan.

So we'll be there at least 5 hours. That is going to be an exhausting day for sure. Grandma is going to be our driver, our support system and our transportation expert as I will be wheelchair bound for the duration. :) Thank God for grandmas! I have my list of questions started and a whole week to fill it full to make sure I get the most out of our appointments.

26 week Dr appt. (kind of long)

I got to see Dr. Schoel today who was VERY pleased I am still pregnant and out of the hospital. She was the one who had discovered my PTL at Mercy and shipped me right to Abbott. She is to be the Doc I see now until I switch over to the Perinatal Clinic exclusively.

She preformed another Ffn test today, which should tell us if I am at risk of going into PTL again in the next two weeks. Thus far, they've been pretty accurate for me, although I am still awaiting today's test results. She did a cervix check I am 1cm dilated and 50% effaced, which is not too much worse than what I was before. Especially when you consider the number of L&D trips I have had since leaving the hospital.

Oooh and the exciting part was, I asked her about maybe running a few neglected errands today and she gave me the go ahead! So, I got my hair cut which I desperately needed, grabbed just a couple of summer maternity things because I was sweating my bum off today and got one book that I cannot seem to find anywhere in ebook format but have been wanting to re-read for a loooooong time! (I love Borders, I always have a coupon on my phone for at least 33% off!)

It felt great to be out and about and accomplish a few of the things on my list of things that I need to do. At the same time I quickly realized how much stamina I've lost in even just this first month of bedrest. I also got the "official" okay to chill in a recliner in addition to the bed as long as I actually recline, feet up and all. The idea of that excites me to no end, now if only I had a recliner. ::sigh:: lol

I'll make yet another post when I have the Ffn results later and catch up on other things that had fallen by the bedside.

Oh and I am measuring ahead still, my tummy measured 27 weeks instead of the 26 weeks that I am. :) Hopefully that means my sweet little one is packing on some pounds too. (I am still 14 lbs below pre-pregnancy weight.)

26 week belly pic

I can't tell if I am bigger or not, but I feel like a house! I measured 25 weeks at 24 weeks, we'll see how I measure today. She sure is very active though!

My lack of posting

Appalls even me! So, this is just a quick post, to let you know that I will be doing catch up posts and real time posts once again.

I think the depression of such a long and strict bedrest got the best of me for a bit and my only focus was on Isabella.

Oh there is one update I can post with this before I start the barrage of updates lol!

We were finally able to order a "large" item from Bella's wishlist. She now has a bassinet on it's way for her to sleep in when she is able to come home. I even have pics, but I really can't wait to get pics of it actually set up! Delivery takes so looooong! lol

I looooove eyelets for little girls!

The whole bassinet. I can't wait!

I can just picture my precious Bella laying in her bassinet. ::sigh::