Try as hard as I might, I can't sleep in. I am too anxious to hear what they have to say today at the appointment. We'll find out an estimated weight as well as how Bella's heart is coming along. The news has seemed to get at least somewhat better with each ultrasound, so I am hoping that it either stays the same or maybe even improves a bit with this one too.
I wish it would be safer to deliver her sooner rather than later, when I was thinking about it last night, as little as there is that I can do about it there is a ton of pressure on me to "keep her in as long as possible". I want what is best, but the daily reminders probably don't help much and I know for a fact that the hospital stay is NOT helping. Steve and I have missed a bunch of firsts for Emma. Her first soccer practice, her first soccer scrimmage, her first "soccer stop" in which she used the phrase "You've just felt the power of the Bill-Fold!" (cracks me the heck up!) her second track and field, I have her entire first one in pictures and on video... and today her first play. She gets to play the ugly duckling who turns into the beautiful swan. I was so sad about that when I thought about it last night I almost went out and requested a form to leave AMA. (not a good plan.)
In all actuality, there are a lot of questions I'd like to get answered within the next few days about Bella and myself. The doctors have yet to give *me* the pros and cons or give me any say in my care whatsoever. The more I think about that, the more I find it to be completely unacceptable.
So, here is to the pursuit of information and the, hopefully, helpful guidance to make the best decisions possible.
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